Sunny Side Up

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June 2013

1 post

Non-New Yorkers Guide to New York Transportation

This really has nothing to do with the theme of this blog, but after a year and a half in New York I learned some things about how to get around. For seasoned New Yorkers there are probably a few “duh!” tidbits, but it’s stuff I wish someone would’ve told me as a newbie.

Subway
When you get on a train move all the way into the center of the car. Don’t be afraid. It’s the only way all of us are going to fit.

Hold on! Don’t try to look cool by trying to surf in the subway. You will trip and people will be pissed. Stops are not gentle.

You will be pressed against other people’s sweaty bodies. It’s part of the experience.

Let people off before you get on. It amazes me that folks don’t do that.

Use the subway. Most visitors get scared and just grab a cab. It’s way cheaper and a lot of the times much quicker to head underground.

Local means it stops - a lot.

Yes. 42nd street is Times Square. Yes. 42nd street is Grand Central. They are on opposite sides of the city. They are not the same place. Just like all 34th street stops are not Penn Station.

Download the HopStop app. It has a subway map that works underground.

Your cell will rarely work in the subway.

The Bus
Unless you’re crossing town at 14th, 42nd or 53rd the bus system is the best way to get across town. It’s highly underrated, but busses are awesome. They have AC, drivers are usually pleasant, they’re usually less crowded and your cell phone works. Total winner.

Walking
Don’t look for directions on the corners. They are the most highly trafficked areas. Scootch over.

Often even streets (not avenues) go east. Remember E for east and even.

Greenwich Village makes no sense and all the streets run diagonal. You’re not dumb. The place is super confusing.

Avenues are way, way, way longer than blocks.

20 blocks is a mile.

People will give you directions if you ask.

I’m sure they’re are more. I hope this helps you feel a little more savvy the next time you visit NYC.

Jun 11, 2013
#new york #subway #transportation #guide #tourist

May 2013

8 posts

2QT 2B 4GotN

I get called cute, a lot. A whole lot. The other weekend I was called cute eight times by six different people. If there was one word I got called more often than Kelley, it would be cute. It has gotten to the point where, “You’re so cute!” has started to engage my gag reflex. At least it sits a little better than innocent, which was something I got a lot when I was dating. Hated that one, too. It felt like the person was invalidating my life experience.

Back to cute. Cute? I don’t want to be cute. I’m a 30 year-old woman! Puppies and babies, they are cute. I am trying so hard to move towards maturity that I find myself harshly rejecting cute. I want to be perceived as a woman.

During one of the exercises in the single’s course one of the instructors called me cute. “Really?!” I said in an “over it” tone, “Even YOU’RE going to call me cute of all people?” “Well, your little kid is cute,” she retorted.

You guys may be familiar with the term “inner child”. Well, they call it your little kid. It’s basically the pure, authentic, unadulterated you. The you before all the garbage that made you feel like you had to be different to earn love and approval.

She really got me thinking. There is something in there, inside my core nature, that people define as cute. In an effort not to make that part of me wrong (that’s my tendency) I’m going to reclaim and redefine the word cute.

I thought back to the times when I was called cute most often. It’s when I’m very inspired, enthusiastic and excited. It’s when I’m energetically describing something I’m passionate about, or when I’m really trying to get someone to see something beautiful in themselves they may not acknowledge yet.

So I came to the decision that when someone says, “You’re so cute,” they mean unabashedly inspired, enthusiastic and passionate.

The mother of the family I work for called me cute at the dinner table last night, so I took the opportunity to explain the above experience and conclusion.

She offered a very poignant insight. She said that I was right, the word isn’t actually cute, but some word that may not exist in the English language. She said I embodied this kind of youthful and untainted way of being that’s really special and rare to see in adults and she read about the term in some kind of Buddhist philosophy book. As I’m trying to mature, she said she hoped I never lost whatever that “cute equivalent” essence about me, because it’s rare.

I loved that perspective and now I’m on the hunt for that word. Let me know if you have any ideas.

May 26, 2013
Why I cut my hair

I’m sitting here at a midtown New York diner the morning after cutting off over 12 inches of my hair. I had beautiful hair, y’all. The kind of hair men wouldn’t stop talking about and women would kill for. Seriously. But alas, it had to go.

You might be wondering why. As I’ve been exploring and growing so much this year I got to a place were my outer didn’t match my inner. I feel fierce, strong, mature and powerful and something about my long, flowing locks felt stuck in the old way of being. To me it felt soft, girly and passive.

While having these feelings I ran across this photo to Evan Rachel Wood. I thought, “that hair is so badass! That hair looks how I feel.” It was decided…eerr…for the moment that I had to get that look.

Then the fear crept in and it was loud. Thoughts of men not finding me attractive and therefore me not feeling pretty were screaming at me. I’ve toyed with the notion of of a super short do for years, but those fears kept me at bay.

So with the amazing support of a few select folks I decided, fuck it this hair has got to go. If being attractive to men is the only thing holding me back then that’s the EXACT reason to chop. It. Off.

So I did. And here I am.

Y’all I feel absolutely wonderful. I thought I would feel shocked and ugly at least for a little while and it’s just not the case. I woke up this morning giddy with excitement and so damn proud of myself. I feel like a badass.

The support and feed back from the world has been amazing.

I donated my hair to Locks of Love. My prayer is that my hair and empower another woman to feel as fierce and badass as I do. Every woman deserves that.

I’m on mobile - will post a pic with this tonight, but if you know me personally there are photos on Facebook.
May 26, 20132 notes
Disney Dreams

A couple of months ago the seven-year-old girl I nanny was visibly upset and I asked her why. Without taking a beat she said, “If you haven’t noticed, I’ve had a rough year. At least I think it’s been a year…um…but I don’t know how long that really is…but…you know what I mean.”

And I did know what she meant as much as I can imagine how it feels to be scared because your dad was suddenly diagnosed with brain cancer and now has lots of surgeries and treatments all the time. That’s all I can do is imagine and confirm, “Yes, you have definitely had a rough year, sweetie. I’ve noticed.”

During Spring break she was promised a family cruise and a trip to Europe. She. Was. Stoked! She loves to do British accents and the thought of being in a country where EVERYONE speaks that way was completely exciting to her. Not to mention Disney on the sea. Dream come true.

But she was unable to take the trip due to complications to her Dad’s health. She was very upset, but took it like a champ, spending the week with family.

Yesterday was the day. Her parents planned to pick her up from school and whisk her away for her dream vacation and I get to be a part of it.

Before we left I was tearing up. This is going to be the greatest trip of her life that she will remember for a very long time. This sweet, sensitive girl who has dealt gracefully with more than someone her age should, gets to escape for a Caribbean week of fun and fantasy. She really deserves it and I’m honored to share it with her and I couldn’t he happier about it.

P.S. I’m seeing some Mayan Ruins on the trip! Pumped for that.

May 11, 2013
Best. Week. Ever.

I know it’s a bold statement and it might seem over done, but I think last week was my best week ever. Nothing too crazy or extraordinary took place per se, but the level of peace and personal satisfaction I felt was unmatched.

If I had to narrow it down to two reasons it would be friendships and work.

Starting last Friday I spent a lot of quality time with an array of friends who are like-minded, supportive, creative and just really, really awesome. I had intense conversations about the deeper aspects of life, our weaknesses and how we are moving forward to create a life for ourselves that has meaning. Lots of truth. Lots of laughs and a huge community of stellar, supportive friends.

I took an amazing course in Atlanta, where a lot of my dearest friends participated and I was able to stretch my heart far beyond any place I had before. It was amazing.

And I couldn’t be happier with my work. I love the kids I nanny so much it’s crazy. Don’t get me wrong, 12 hours a day is hard work, but it’s so fun and satisfying that even the times of mass hysteria or total exhaustion are worth it.

This week, one of the twins climbed onto the arm of the couch, jumped into my arms and said clear as a bell, “I love you soooooooooo much, Kelley!” Heart. Melted. Day. Made. Year. Made.

What I’m noticing most that I’m really excited about is joy in the ordinary. I used to think I needed some crazy circumstances to happen to find happiness. I’m sure to have an exciting life, but I love experiencing joy in the simple day-to-day occurrences. It truly is fulfilling.

I’m feeling really fortunate and I encourage you to experience the joy where it lives - in whatever it is your experiencing right now.

May 11, 2013
Six Reasons Why You Should be Yourself

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I took this amazing awareness course intended specifically for singles over the weekend and it was truly both an eye and heart opening experience. As I’m decompressing from the course and integrating into daily life I realized everything I learned is applicable to all relationships, not just romantic partnerships. So, I’m here to sell you on the idea of being completely yourself, on all levels in all kinds of relationships, because it’s really too costly to do it any other way. Presenting: Six Reasons to Be Yourself.

1. Not sustainable not to be. It takes a whole lot of energy to show up for different people different ways in order to gain acceptance and it’s very hard to keep that up for any length of time. It’s so much easier to relax into being yourself. That takes hardly any energy at all because there isn’t really any trying in that, there’s just being.

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May 9, 20135 notes
#self help #life #advice #be yourself
May 5, 201312,443 notes
I've been a shitty girlfriend

I’ve reached the part of my journey where I’m dealing with two things on a consistent basis: truth and acceptance. Luckily for me these burst of awareness and insight have been popping up all over that place so I haven’t had too dig so deep. However, I can’t control the rate and what is coming up so it’s felt like I’ve been bombarded with all of these aspects of myself I’ve been blinded to for years.

The biggest revelation besides becoming my mother is that I have been a shitty girlfriend.

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May 3, 2013
#dating #dating advice #life #self he
Becoming what I've fought against

If I’m being completely honest (which I am on this blog more than maybe I should be) - I started this whole path of self discovery for two reasons. First, to transform my relationship with my mother into something more healthy and genuine. Second, to prevent myself from becoming my mother. It’s so scary to even write that because reading those words must be the most hurtful thing a mother could read, but I’m sharing truth here so there it is.

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May 2, 20132 notes
#self help #essay #mom #advice

April 2013

3 posts

21 Things I'd Tell My 21 Year-Old Self

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My youngest sister is turning 21 today and the best gift I can give her is my wisdom that exceeds hers by almost 10 years. So Jackie, this is for you: 21 Things I’d Tell My 21 Year-Old Self as my learnings to maybe make a couple of things easier for you than they were for me. I love you with all of my heart and there isn’t another soul on the planet quite as precious as yours.

Question everything. Not in a “damn the man” kind of way, but be curious about your conclusions and beliefs. You don’t have to change them, but just make sure they are actually yours - from your brain and conscience.

Tell the truth. Even if you think people don’t know you’re lying they sense it. Even if they don’t sense it, you know. Your integrity, whether you realize it or not, weighs heavily on your self-esteem. If you don’t tell the truth for the other person, tell it for yourself.

Stop dieting. Educate yourself. First of all, you’re beautiful. But diets are silly. Educate yourself on food, nutrition and where all the stuff you put in your body comes from. Knowledge will evoke sustainable change which will improve your health and body image.

Purge toxic people. You are too kind to keep people around who don’t make you feel wonderful about yourself. In this case quality is much better than quantity. The sooner you eliminate negative forces in your life, the sooner you will truly love your life.

Read More →

Apr 25, 20136 notes
#lists #self help #inspiration #advice #sisters #love
Will the dating fast continue?

Today is the last day I’ve committed myself to my dating fast. After the course I’m taking this weekend, I may extend my contract with myself. I trust that I will sense the right thing to do and I will keep you all posted.

I’m really proud of the work I’ve been able to accomplish in the past 95 days. If I’m being honest, the last two weeks have been the absolute hardest. Past heartbreak has resurfaced for me in a major way (maybe I will be able to blog about it soon) and really forced me to confront some possibly very dark unconscious motives and patterns.

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Apr 18, 20131 note
#dating #advice #self help #relationships
Step mothers

It takes crazy amounts of strength to be a step mother.

Women should be called step mothers because they’re stepping into a role that’s highly needed.

They step into the lives of men who are tattered and torn from the aftermath of failed love. They breathe new life and hope into these men, giving them a safe place to open their hearts and believe in true love again.

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Apr 8, 201310 notes
#step mother #step mom #step daughter #life #self help #family #modern families #step family #love #mother #daughter

March 2013

18 posts

Alternate Easter

From my understanding (after 13 years of a Catholic education) Easter is celebrated to recogize Jesus rising three days after he was crucified in order to cleanse the sins of humanity.

No longer Christian but spiritual in nature, I still believe this is a beautiful day to celebrate. If we are lucky, as humans roaming this planet we have several incaranations in a lifetime. We shed bodies and identities that no longer serve us. We experience death, illness, hardship and heartache to ressurrect into a new iteration of ourselves. Hopefully we emerge closer to our soul nature that will bring us straight to God in the way that Jesus ascended to heaven.

This Easter take some time to think of the ways you’ve been crucified, or ways in which you’ve crucifed yourself. Consider ways parts of you have died. Ways in which you have transformed. Ways in which you have figuratively risen from the dead.

As unintuitive as it may seem, be grateful for the purposeful suffering that enabled you to revinvent yourself, connecting even stronger with the you you truly are meant to be. Transformation is a blessing and today it s great reminder of the awesome power of the human spirit to continually regenerate.

Mar 31, 2013
#life #spirituality #easter #self help
“We as women are trained to see ourselves as cheap imitations of fashion photographs, rather than seeing fashion photographs as a cheap imitation of women.” —Naomi Wolf
Mar 21, 20133 notes
#quote #quotes #women #inspiration #inspirational quotes #self help
Feeding time

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The twins I nanny have taken on the arduous task of learning to eat with a spoon and fork instead of their hands. I’ve been drilling them with the stab and scoop combo, we’ve tried both hands just in case one’s a lefty and we’ve explored lots of other techniques. Even if the food gets on the utensil it makes it to their mouths with a 67% success rate. The remaining 33% of the time they are utterly frustrated, as anyone would be. They’re freaking hungry, damn it!

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Mar 21, 20131 note
#kids #stories #self help
Get it on, bang a gong

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One of my awesome, new soul sisters (this is what I affectionately call like-minded female friends who are into all the awareness work I’m into) invited me to a spring equinox gong sound bath tonight. I’m actually still kind of buzzed from it. I was so altered after the experience I took the train downtown by mistake and just wound up walking most of the way home.

Neither of us had participated in an event like this and had no idea what to expect. Basically, it was facilitated by a gong master who was an older man with long white hair and a long white beard. He looks just like how you would expect a gong master to look. Tonight they were graduating their first class of gong students and this was their final presentation.

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Mar 20, 20131 note
#gong #meditation
Mar 20, 20132 notes
#note #encou #inspiration #sharpie #love
“Follow the truth path: constant revelation.” —Kelley Hagen adapted from ReUnion text
Mar 20, 20131 note
#quote #inspirational quotes #quotes #inspiration #inspirational
“As children, we were taught to be ‘good’ boys and girls, which of course implies we were not that already. We were taught we’re good if we clean up our room, or we’re good if we make good grades. Very few of us were taught that we’re essentially good. Very few of us were given a sense of unconditional approval, a feeling that we’re precious because of what we are, not what we do.” —Marianne Williamson

  (via unconditionedconsciousness)

My favorite author and speaker. She’s amazing.

Mar 17, 2013252 notes
#marianne williamson #quote #quotes
Maybe you're my husband

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As part of this dating fast I’ve taken detailed stock of my dating history like a detective collecting clues to solve the great mystery. I’m trying to figure out some kind of common thread or pattern.

There are some obvious similarities. For instance, every guy I’ve dated since 2004 (yikes) is a musician and passionate about music. Almost every person was pursuing music professionally in some format or another. Even if it  wasn’t their primary income it was their primary passion.

Read More →

Mar 17, 20131 note
#dating #love #advice #dating advice #self help
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