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08

Sep

Why one suffers through transformation

The road of transformation has been a rocky one for me, at best. From cutting the cords to all normalcy in relationships, work and geography - to almost going crazy in the desert, to wild ups and downs in NYC to returning back to my roots in Atlanta.

Although integrating back home was tough, I’ve really gotten to a comfortable place and from this peaceful space I’ve been really opening up to awarenesses that I’ve never contemplated before.

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07

Sep

Does “the one” exist?

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I’ve entered into the adult dating world with a belief that there is “the one” and it is my task to find him. As I matured, my beliefs shifted a little bit. Instead of me having to actively seek this person, the universe would influence our lives in such a way that we would be gently guided together and live happily ever after.

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07

Aug

Holy Shit I’m an Introvert

I dated a guy a couple of years ago who called me an introvert. Actually, he said I was one of the most introverted people he’d ever met.

I quickly rejected his feedback. Really? Me? An introvert?

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31

Jul

What’s up?

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I haven’t been blogging much because I’m not sure what to share. There has been so much rapid movement that as soon as I get a blog idea in mind it loses relevance almost immediately.

Plainly stated: I don’t recognize myself anymore.

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26

Jun

I always need to be reminded.

I always need to be reminded.

21

Jun

Listen then move

Since studying A Course In Miracles and starting this awareness training I’ve held the belief that if my life was truly in alignment the Universe will provide everything needed to move forward. But admittedly, it was just a belief. An illusive concept that was hard to really hold in my hand for too long without losing it.

I have to say that the experience of moving back to Atlanta I’ve watched this notion materialize into my reality. It was as if as soon as I fully committed to moving back, while giving myself no deadline at all, everything conspired in my favor in a way that feels magical.

A job completely landed in my lap, a friend offered to loan me her car as long as I needed, several friends have offered their homes. I don’t even have to ask, everything has just presented itself in a way where I have the freedom to choose.

It’s nothing short of humbling and completely awe inspiring. Ask for signs. Listen. Then move. It’s my most recent lesson and practice. After this experience I’ve come to realize there’s no other way. There is a path of least resistance. This is it. Life can be a flow. It’s a beautiful thing.

20

Jun

A.T.L.A.N.T.A.

I’ve gotten a whole lot out of New York. In a way, this city gave me the space to claim parts of my womanhood that could’ve remained stunted in Atlanta. There was a lot there. Old relationships that required healing, people to do things for me so I didn’t have to be as self sufficient and bunches and bunches of friends who ensured there was never a dull moment. However, that also kept me from really looking hard at myself and my areas of growth. I didn’t ever have to wrestle with loneliness. I never had to wonder if I could make it on my own. I wasn’t tested in a lot of areas.

New York is where I came of age.

And the work. Man, being a nanny for three kids (including twins) for a family with the father battling brain cancer confronted me with mortality and crisis at levels I had yet to encounter. Being counted on as a strong and consistent figure in that context stretched me in all kinds of ways. Helped me to see clearly part of my life’s purpose while coming to terms with the something I denied for a long time: I want to be and mother and I’m going to be a damn good one.

But it’s time to part with New York. I’m grateful for the masters class at life. The rootlessness that sprouted ingenuity. The loneliness that birthed bravery. The string of men who forced me to find the sacred within.

I’m grateful for the new faces who filtered through and highly effected my life. New York was certainly a pivotal and life expanding experience for the past year and a half.

I’m moving back to Atlanta in three weeks with a deep sense of completion. I’m going back to my community and close friends. Back to really emerge myself in this awareness training that keeps the spark of transformation in my life. Following my true heart and true passion right back home to where I started.

I’m arriving as a new person to a new place. Atlanta will be nothing like how I experienced it before. My lens has changed and so have my priorities. I’m humbled by the amount of magic and synchronicity that coalesced to make this such and effortless transition.

See ya soon Atlanta!

11

Jun

Non-New Yorkers Guide to New York Transportation

This really has nothing to do with the theme of this blog, but after a year and a half in New York I learned some things about how to get around. For seasoned New Yorkers there are probably a few “duh!” tidbits, but it’s stuff I wish someone would’ve told me as a newbie.

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26

May

2QT 2B 4GotN

I get called cute, a lot. A whole lot. The other weekend I was called cute eight times by six different people. If there was one word I got called more often than Kelley, it would be cute. It has gotten to the point where, “You’re so cute!” has started to engage my gag reflex. At least it sits a little better than innocent, which was something I got a lot when I was dating. Hated that one, too. It felt like the person was invalidating my life experience.

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Why I cut my hair

I’m sitting here at a midtown New York diner the morning after cutting off over 12 inches of my hair. I had beautiful hair, y’all. The kind of hair men wouldn’t stop talking about and women would kill for. Seriously. But alas, it had to go.

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